Origin Story
Photo of me by a portrait subject and muse during an art project with cool people who are good to me, 2019. Digital photograph, dimensions variable.
Listen to narration on Spotify
I am a self-taught artist who had early success, which led to exhibitions at commercial galleries, which led to other opportunities within the artworld, where something profoundly disturbing happened to me. Others were aware as it unfolded but did not intervene. After, there were no negative consequences for anyone – except me. My shock and fury were amplified by the expectation that I would continue to work with the same people who had caused me serious harm.
It was a catalyst for rebellion.
I commissioned a website in 2003 and, in defiance, left the traditional artworld in late 2004 to carve out an alternative path by connecting directly with the audience for my work via my website, an email newsletter and blog – years before Instagram launched. Despite ongoing struggles to heal, I built a global collector base by pioneering an online direct-to-collector business model for fine art, primarily by creating series, and painting new works within each series by private commission. The value of my art increased naturally and was recognised on the secondary market within Australia and in London.
At best, an artist is an alchemist. We take raw materials, ideas and experiences, and transmute them into something else. By applying my creativity to problem solving, I transformed a traumatic experience into empowerment, for myself and others.
Inevitably there was backlash from the traditional artworld for bypassing its systems and challenging its authority and norms. Terrible rumours were spread about me, which I suspect was to undermine my credibility in case I spoke out about why I really left. Still damaged – and enduring ongoing harassment from the same people who inflicted the harm – I was vulnerable and my early digital trust was exploited by someone who impersonated me via an email account they'd set up on my behalf.
From 2012 to 2017, my hospital years, I focussed on recovering from the lingering effects of trauma. It was a painful yet transformative experience that reconnected me with my values; sharpened my perception; and deepened my commitment to a safer, artist-driven model. It was not a retreat; it was reclamation.
On return, I used lessons from my setback to refine my direct-to-collector business model with greater emphasis on privacy, discretion and security. During this time I kept a low profile so that people I worked with could get to know me in person – untainted by the gossip of those with hidden agendas.
Returning to online communication is a risk for me in the same way it is a risk for everyone – revealing ourselves on a public platform means we can be attacked or wilfully misinterpreted. However, I cannot move forward in silence, so here I am. My feelings about it are best articulated by Cormac McCarthy, in his novel The Passenger, "You would give up your dreams in order to escape your nightmares and I would not. I think it's a bad bargain.”
Despite difficulties of the past, I am very fortunate and thankful for the opportunities and support I’ve received. Although these times are challenging for everyone, I am grateful to be alive in this era and optimistic about the future. We never know how well things might turn out and it is always worth it to persevere.